The wonderful season winter is

We get four seasons, Winter, Spring, Summer Autumn.

So we are now at the end of Autumn and getting right into winter lol! I purely love this season because of my skin, and hate it because I’m forced to wear many clothes therefore I ignore how much calories I take and boom clothes don’t fit no more but oh well whose watching who lol. It is such a relaxing season. I also love it for the nice coats, and boots and hats. I’m a fashion frenzy kinda girl Ow-Ka-y!!!

I’ve heard others say it is the season to get partners with extra meat in their bones to keep them warm during those cold cold days hahaahahahhahahah do people still think that way? *shocked* I read on twitter Somizi wrote something like “if you’re about to dump your partner, just hang in there until the winter season is over, Kuyabanda bantu” kwaaaahahahahhahaha now this cracked me up clearly people still think that way ke.

Anyway my man says it is the season to stay longer in bed hahahahaha. But ke winter days have long nights and short days anyway. Before you know it we’ll all be hitting the gym again to burn the fat and making sure when Spring comes we all look as fly as we can be.

I honestly love winter for many many reasons. This is one period that you’ll find me at home almost every weekend because I’d rather keep warm indoors with loved once (Family) and I’m not sociable at all in winter. So excuse me when I don’t arrange or agree to any gatherings that you may have.

It is one period to stay home and indulge in soups and whatever food there is to pass time and listen to those long once upon a time stories from old folks, or spend quality time with your loved one, friends must just take a breath for the next 8-10 weeks hahahha angdlali kanjani. Amagish gish awame kancane.

But people bafosta and still go out. Hey they gotta show their fashion akere?!?! Yah, and still those in the hunt to get those partners required for the season LMAO!

But ke it is such a lovely season, everything looks dull outside. So make sure you’re keeping it colourful inside your homes and in your hearts. Create those memories with your close once. I know my loved one and I have zillion plans to keep us busy.

To the rest of you hunnies I know some of yall can only think of getting jiggy jiggy with it. But whatever you do scrutinize hahahahhaha *straight face* eish the bunnies will start showing when Summer comes lol. And enjoy the season.

Laugh, have fun, keep warm, make sure you enjoy your food and don’t worry about calories… And still rock those awesome many clothes winter fashion has. From me to you and you and you its love, love and love straight from my heart to you.

Whatever you do please enjoy the wonderful season winter is ♥.

Lunga®

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I feel Hurt!!!!!!!!!

I’m having a pause moment, I’ve stopped, taking a breath! And analysing Lunga.

I tried, I struggled, I cried, I smiled, I’ve been happy, I’ve had my weakest moments, I’ve had my darkest days!…. And I’ve had my orgasm days! These past months my emotions have been nowhere but in a rolercoster!

Too many things involved in my life – and here I thought I’d cut all the clutter from previous years! Physically yes, I’ve kicked out the toxic people! but I’m still carrying some baggage inside me and it is becoming heavier and heavier with each trouble/worry/misunderstanding I come across!

I feel weak! No that’s an understatement. I feel NUMB! Lost feelings, I feel not hurt sometimes, I cry dry tears! I yell at myself for ever allowing ME to feel that way! Lunga you supposed to love yourself soo much you shouldn’t be experiencing this. I feel invisible some days! Do I BiPolar?

I’m tired, damn I’m exhausted! I’m tired of being too much of a friend I can’t be my own friend anymore. I miss Lunga! The free spirited, never mind, bubbly, out spoken for ever laughing kid! Is this part supposed to be “growing up”??? What went wrong. How did I end up like this – is it because I gave out too much of myself to people I forgot I needed my own attention?

I’ve allowed people to get into my life! And let them do as they please, and I would wrap it up with “its fine” tick!!! heck I’m gatvol! I’m fed up understanding. I’m sick to the core of my stomach to hear Lunga I didn’t mean to, I’m sorry, Lunga I didn’t realise it made you feel that way, I’m sorry!

Bullshit!!!!

I don’t know how many times I get upset in a day, and I never tell people that the things they did actually hurt me! Maybe I have too much baggage inside me, I need to seek help to offload! Maybe I need anger Management . A normal person shouldn’t be like this, correct?

How did I let myself stay in such a dark place! Why did I allow my precious Lunga suffer alone like this. It hurts, its heavy, its deeper than what meets my smile and my conversations! Its a wound that is taking forever to heal.

Some days I feel complete, at peace and calm. Ignoring things makes it easy some days! Other days I’ll stay on the phone for hours with friends in tears, crying my eyes out trying to explain how hurt I feel! When I feel upset I let my feelings do as they please. My mind will end up playing tricks on me.

Its too much! Its enough! These days I find it easier to confide in a stranger than close people, I don’t want to destroy the good I’m still left with! I want Lunga, the real one back! Gosh the watchers are not making it easy too…. I wish to be left alone! Let me deal with me first and I’ll deal with the rest later – its only fair that way. Fighting me now, screaming @ me, not talking to me aint going to fix it!

Dear past, leave me alone. Our race is done, old friends: I guess it was for a season or a reason and definitely not a lifetime. Dear anonymous: please introduce yourself to me, I’m not as bad as I look I promise – enough with the private calls! Dear present: let’s make it work.

I’m done here!
Lunga®

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Love tickles me

Love tickles me

His not perfect, I’m not either, I smile when I think of him because he makes me happy, I yell at him when he makes me mad, I miss him when his not around me, I know he doesn’t think about me all the time – yet he gave me a part of him that I could break *His Heart*, I won’t hurt him, I will give him all the love I have which he deserves. His not perfect, but he is perfect for me.

Off guard he noticed me, he took notice of me, yes he noticed me,

We both came from different backgrounds, have different beliefs, shared almost different dreams….. Really! Could we work, is this right, Lunga what are you doing…. Those are a few things I asked myself when we started getting close. Yes I liked him, I enjoyed our daily conversations, how he presented himself to me. He was such a gentlemen. And damn handsome. Kodwa his life was what I tried to run away from!

I look at us now – damn opposites do attract!

This man taught me patience. No wait he showed me patience. Ofcourse we would hang out, planned this and that, called each other an item….. But I still wasn’t sure we will be where we are today. I thought we’d be done before one could finish the word re-la-ti-on-sh-ip.

Aha we are still together, beating the odds that didn’t believe in us. For every downfall, every fight, every argument we’ve had has brought us even closer. Yes we’ve had our first maybe second fight/argument. But its never hurt like this before. I still don’t see myself being anywhere else but with him! He has been in my life for a moment but his presence is felt and seen. The happiness he brings me is unexplainable, He has made an impact a positive one. And is now such a special person. When I’m troubled his the first I think of to cry to, when I’m happy he is the one I call and share the news with. He has become a friend of mine. I can share anything with him. Yes we are buddies. He is my partner, my friend, the one I talk to everyday. He is my other part.

He is my love. He is my man, he is my friend, he is what I prayed for from God and more. He is what I call my dream man. He happened to be in my life when my soul was troubled! And wiped away all the pain I had carried with me for so long. He made me believe in love again, he brings sunshine and happiness with him. He gave me good days. And yah 1 or 2 sad days but that’s what makes him human, he is a living being that is not perfect. He makes his mistakes and learns from them. I’m glad he acknowledges them

He speaks to me in a manner a man should speak to his woman. He treats me the way I want to be treated. I am such a happy woman knowing I have him in my life.

I see my kids through him! I see a man I want to spend the rest of my life with.

I wish his mom where she is knows that she raised a man, a real good man and he is making a woman very happy, yes ME happy! His mother did well, I’m sure she is proud of him and herself. I wish to have met her just to say thank you for the man he raised up.

His name is Thulebona! Don’t be asking me about his surname. You’ll start to google him lol. His taken. His mine.

This is him! What I have waited for….. This morning he said to me “the saying good things are worth waiting for” then I am the example. He says all the right words. He is a dream I don’t wish to wake up from.

I pray for God to protect him, and be with us in everything we do! He is my Thulebona. What is important to him, is important to me. His son, his work, his happiness, his worries and alles.

He is the man that makes me happy, next to my dad! May we grow together and our love. And achieve all the dreams we’ve set for ourselves. And may I continue to respect him, cherish him, and remind him he is loved and is important. May we be happy and stick together through the good and the bad.

Lungx®

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My 2012 letter

Man I missed writing. I needed inspiration! Been hectic. Hope I wasn’t missed too much…. I’m back and happy 2012 to you and you and you and you.

This is the first post to my blog for 2012. It will be my letter to the year. Already we are a month and weeks into the year and man oh man zillion things have happened around me.

2011 (heaven) what what came and left. When it started each and everyone had hopes and dreams. Some came true some didn’t. Some were promising eish some were just an epic fail lorl.

I don’t want to write much about the year ahead. Don’t want to jinx things. But what I’ll say is may all our dreams, plans and hope come true.

In a nutshell I pray for prosperity, mental and spiritual growth! Success to all of us. Money, business, carriers and may we all be rich in our hearts, Our souls. May we learn to love and enjoy and experience the love in return. It is the most beautiful thing. Cherish it when you find/found it. Never give up growing, learning and working hard towards your dream.

Todays youth we work 9-5 and take work home to work some more to make enough money so that when we are older we won’t have to work sooo hard. Let us be wise with the company that we keep. Let us make the right choices. I know know I know life doesn’t come with a manual and it won’t happen according. So please let us quit the judging.

Let us use the people around us mistakes as a guide to our lives so that we don’t repeat them. Because eish they are costly maan.

Overall kiddies, hunnies and buddies let’s have a beautiful year. Make 2012 the best you’ve ever had. See yah on the next post.

Lotz and lotz of luvvies from your bubbly me.

Thank you!

Lunga®

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A Bow to everything in 2011

*sigh* where do I begin *rolls eyes* ay let me start 00:00 1st January 2011 ohhhhh my what an exciting day it was. Fire crackers up in the sky, everyone being so happy. It rained. Everyone that knows me knows I love rain…. Everyone was out and about. Out of all that midsts I found myself praying for a better year. With peace and happiness. I know a lot of people took that day to make their resolutions for the new year. So much more than what I prayed for happened. And now its nearing an end. I say 2011 ngiyabonga for everything that has happened. I could not have had all the experience received this year in any other year. With all of it – I took a lesson from it all. And I am today a different better person.

For everything that has happened between me and my friends, family, man and everyone else around me thank you. To some situations I don’t know what were the reasons. But as I grow older I’ve figured I don’t have to know everything in all situations.

I’ve previously spoken about the deepest hurt I’ve experienced this year – it still hurts today. When I think about it alone it brings me tears. I pray dear God to please heal my wound. I’ve walked around with a heavy heart for too long. I still don’t know the reason to the betrayal I discovered this year. As I write this in me I hear a song (Phindukhulume Moya oyingcwele) and I have nothing but tears in my eyes. I can’t explain the feeling inside me right now. You are a God that has a plan for all of us and you know better. We may not understand beyond what our eyes can see and what our ears can hear. Kodwa you know how to break and heal….. I’ve always served am awesome and faithful God. You won’t leave me now.

The other day I said a prayer to please help me trust again. Let me let go of my insecurities and learn that things happen for a reason. Hlanza umoya wami Jehova ukhulule inhliziyo yami. Take away the bitterness I have inside me and let me be a normal child again. I want to give love again the day you will bless me with love again.

Year in year out I had to let go of a certain people in my life. Last year it was toxic friends. This year its people that I don’t know were even my friends. I guess there is progress in that department…. Even if I’m left with one friends as long as I know I can trust, rely, cry to, be happy with and know when they are around me everything is okay. Then I will be @ peace.

Both the Phindys in my life aw bandla they’ve played such an important role.

Phindy Mabe you always have been theeeeeeee sweetest friend God blessed me with. I know we talk everyday and you are such an inspiration. I’ve came crying to you on so many occasions and you know what I’ve been through and you have never judged or got bored by my whining and crying instead you always gave me something to laugh about. In a number of occasions I’ve had people come between us kodwa I could never leave you. I’ve said this to my other friends that of all the friends I’ve had, you are the only one I know would laugh at my dullest, dumbest situation. You’ve always given me laughs no matter how sad I’d be. and I’m greatful to have met you. I hope God blesses you and give you peace that you’ve always prayed for. You will one day get what you’ve always told me you’ve been asking from God. God is polishing you right now. That’s why you’ve got all the test. I love you.

Phindy Mahlangu. My number 1 gangster I don’t have enough or right words to use to express the excitment I have writting and to thanking you for being around. Geeez mngani. Hlanya lami wena you represent me. No other friend I can say unjengami like you are. The day I met you hahahaha it was in a taxi rank mkhozi kuQue going home and we met through mutual friends. Shall we bless that day please.

You are one friend that understands me. You can tell when I’m angry, sad, and going through staff without me opening my mouth about it. I know you’ve thanked me before for being such a sister – kodwa today I want to thank you for being you, for being happy, and for giving me the best days ever since I met you. Ngiyazi manginawe yonke into inhlangene hahaha. You bring me happiness my friend and ngiyakuthanda. Don’t ever give up on my moods and indesiveness lol. I promise I’m working on it. I know there is a lot that your heart desires kodwa my advise to you has always been: a prayer. For all situations the distance between the ground and your knees is not that far. I am so happy you’ve been practising and its such a tough road ukuhlala kuJehova kodwa there is peace when your heart is placed in the hands of the creator. I know you have plans and date mngani and I say never stop visualising it. It will come true one day. God knows better than us. Please don’t stop being you.

All of you my friends just because I don’t have your name mentioned here, I want you to know the fact that you’re still around in my life means you are contributing something positive. I am thankful to have you in my life.

Abangaziyo bangbiza umphuthi wezintandane that’s why I have so many friends. Ngiyabonga for being around.

Family Mama no Baba ngiyabonga for all the values, the conversations and being strict and firm with me…… i am who i am because of you. the support in everything I’ve been involved in. I could not have asked for better parents. One day i want to grow older like you two. You’re such an inspiration. Aw kodwa you’ve raised a stubborn child kwaaaaa. Kodwa ngiyanithanda. And my little sister Zakithi wena you’re my own. I love you and thank you for being such a pain sometimes and our fights kodwa in my heart you’re my one and only sister I could not have asked for anyone else and we are still going to fight about homeworks, kodwa i cannot dzeal when you get into the adolescents stage hoooooooooooo ngizogijimisa abantu la hahahahaha *serious face*. Little brother Musa I know we don’t talk a lot kodwa Mfo ngiyakuncanywa lol.

Everything and everyone else I’ve come in contact with this year, it was for a reason. Keep doing you and will do me too.

2011 came, so many changes happened, it may just be another year to someone else but it certainly was another chapter to mine. and trust i took a lot of lessons this year. one more thing is i learned to have fun again – people have always seen me as a sweet, understanding person, it was until i came out of my own comfort zone and said 1, 2 and 3 of what didnt sit well with me that people realised how mad i can be. and as soon as i put my foot down and said no to a few things that i didnt like - thats when i realised too that the people i thought i knew i honestly didnt. it’s okay though this was another lesson.

by the way the past couple of  months i learned to read the bible thoroughly this time . it is such a healing book, it sooths away the pain and takes away the bitternes and gives you courage annd hope – i hope as you read this you take five minutes of your busy daily schedule and read….. you will feel and see the difference in your life.

with all of that being said. i’d like to say Ngiyabonga.

Lunga® Mahlangu.
Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device

My Jwanasburg

Kwandonga ziyaduma, Kanyama ayipheli kuphela amazinyo wendoda…. Its a home to a thousand. Its brought so many different people and have separated others. Its called the place of Gold. Its a desired place to live in for those that don’t know you, and you’re such a hell hole to those you’ve “ruined lives” for. Many have left home because of you…. Everyone wants a piece of you…. They’ll love you and hate you Jozi, kodwa ngeke bakucede. They’ve called you names and others have nothing but praises of you…. IGoli, Jozi, I call you my jwanasburg.

You have been nothing but a reality to me, you’ve allowed people to be themselves, you’ve allowed people to dream, and not worry about what the next person may say. You’ve shuttered and ended peoples lives. You’ve made others a success. I don’t blame you Goli you are still nothing but a reality. You test peoples characters and you’re the play ground to show themselves who they are. Many come to you with already pictures in their minds of what you are made of. Yes you are the city of Gold, a place of hope and dreams. The city that doesn’t sleep. A land of opportunities. Uveza okleva neziphukuphuku. Abakwazi kahle are 6 feet under others are living in porche sections of you. You are my Goli.

I met you when I was young. When I came with a school trip. You were so packed, and buzzing with a lot of people. I didn’t want to leave here. It was too busy and cluttered. I wondered to myself why do people love you so much. It was only when I grew older that I realised what you are made of. They love you and they hate you. But you will still remain Jwanasburg.

You’ve restored broken dreams, and shuttered many too. Like I said you are one place to show ubani ukleva nokuthi ubani isiphukuphuku. You are nothing but a reality. You’ve shaped peoples lives. You’ve destroyed others. You’ve built and you’ve destroyed. But you still are My Jwanasburg.

There is no other place like you. There is only one you. Many provinces have tried to be you – kodwa cha wena you’re the City of Gold. Companies that run the economy of this country reside here. Politicians, families, people from other countries call you a home.
They can love and hate you but you will remain My Jwanasburg.

Lunga®

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Youre not doing me a favour.

Everybody knows that the best writing is done by those that write from within, some of the posts that I’ve done a few that readers can tell when I was “in the zone” and when I wrote just to post something, and its true the posts that got most favorites/views were those I probably shed a tear writing, some have stuck to you more than others, having done that I have commanded the reader’s attention and you guys got forced to read my entire work. Some people may refrain from writing such articles as it fools people into thinking that they now have an exclusive insight as to who the author is. I find that I have exhausted all the personal topics. Although I have been told that I come out as a very emotional person when people read the stuff that I write. This time I will allow the psychologist and geniuses to be fooled and write what is personal to all of us and which a lot of people out there will relate.

I have found that we have bestowed the remote control to our feeling upon the hands of those around us. Some of us may go on the “thick skin” tip where we pretend that nobody can keep us down. The sad thing is that nobody has a skin thick enough to avoid feeling something when those that you hold dear to you say unpleasant things about you. The world has tricked us into believing that the saying, “umuntu ngumuntu ngabantu”, should apply in every aspect of your life. We are of the belief that we are meant to co-exist and that those that do not are miserable. Thus we find ourselves trying to reaffirm that we are creatures of co-existence by surrounding ourselves with people that can only be described as baggage. People that are worth keeping are those that make a positive contribution to your life. Having said all of the above, I am brought to what really inspired me writing this peace.

This is something that has found me at a point where I have had to distance myself from people that I have considered friends and family. Yes, family. My version of distance is not to completely cut someone off but it is to place that person in a position where what they say falls into deaf ears. A place where you do not have to see them unless it is really necessary. A place where you are civil when around them and you are still able to converse and share a joke or two. This is a matter of friends, lovers and family that make you feel that they are doing you a favour by associating themselves with you.

I find nothing more insulting than a “friend”, “lover” or “family” member that will air out your flaws and then end the character assassination by the fact that they tolerate you because they love you. This annoys the hell out of me because in all of the cases, the person that says that is the one person that you take a lot of crap from. If the order of the day was not to tolerate any crap from anybody, nobody would have a friend for more than two months. The truth of the matter is that we are all full of shit and those close to us tolerate our flaws because of the positive things that we are contributing to their lives. That being said, I have not met anybody that qualifies to assassinate another person’s character and tell them that they tolerate that person because they love them. Nobody.

I am the type of person that always reflects upon his personality. I know my weaknesses and strengths. I live with me everyday, I would be an idiot to think that I am the perfect human being to be friends, lovers or related with. I know that I’m a self-righteous son of a bitch, I do not bite my tongue for anybody, I can be a royal asshole, I get an orgasm when I get what I want, I’m allergic to stupid people who say stupid things with conviction and I have no filter between my mouth and brain; therefore shit just flows through. I say things daily that surprise as much as they surprise the next person.

The flip side of the above is that I am as loyal as a dog to those close to me, I am honest and dependable, I am generally a warm individual, I am fun to have around and when I invite you into my life; you feel the love and care. That’s all I have to offer. Heck, that’s all I got. I always encourage people to spend time with themselves and discover their draw cards and things that other people might find unsavoury. Having done that, go on and take the top 10 people that you surround yourself with and do the same for them. After you compare notes you will realise that nobody is doing you a favour by being your friend. Nobody in your life can stand in front of you and act like being your friend equates to what Christ did for you. I advise you that the next person that brings up your flaws and then tell you “but I love you regardless”, flex your tongue and lips and then play the very same card to them brutally and ensure that when you reach your full stop; they have that blank expression and shock that one gets when they hear “you have insufficient finds to make a call. Please recharge.”

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My Perfect shoe.

Right size, perfect shape, correct balance. Oh but ofcourse not forgetting the colour to complement your legs complection and shape. Who doesn’t want one. We use shoes to get by everyday. The comfortable they are – the better the day we will have and oh well the opposite can be said about the not-so-comfortable. Each race we run, we make sure we are geared with the right pair. We go to work with stilettos or maybe palms or maybe snickers whatever the profession you’re in you make sure you’ve got the right shoe on.

Oh my aren’t we fussy about the shoes we buy, I am a shoeholic and so will my many girlfriends agree with me. I will use my last cent to buy a pair of shoes that my heart won’t say no to! I looked at this and I thought to myself almost the same criteria we use to buy shoes or love the shoes we have, falls just how we use the same tactics about “our perfect man”!

His profession, complection, height, and will he complement you? Those are the basics we ask ourselves. Trust me there is a whole of shibang list, the above is just the introduction on the book “My perfect man” that’s a story for another day though.

The other day I sat and thought to myself he he he of all the relationships we’ve all been to, how many did we convinced ourselves that he was the one? Ubaba wezingane zakho? Yohhhhhh I laughed and couldn’t believe.

This is the story, this post is dedicated to her. I won’t say her name but will call her chomee ya Lunga. She asked me to do a piece about her love life. I asked her to send me a draft, and I’ll edit here and there and post it for her. As I went through her notes I found myself laughing ukuthi dayyyyaaaaammm mina naye have almost traveled the same path.

She had her first kiss at 15 mine I was 16 and in grade 11 – geez how slow were we considering how quickly kids these days pass the teach me how to kiss stage. Tjo!

She’s been in love a few times or maybe she thought it was love. I mean what does a teenager know about the L word. *sigh* anyway each of her breakup she always felt miserable after. She explains to me that it felt like a certain part of her was taken. I’m like child if you keep loosing those certain parts you’ll end up with No-thi-ng.

She had a relationship she tried to make the shoe fit, even if it was the wrong size but as long as she had the shoe she was happy. The nigger was married, he made her happy and did everything right with her. Everything was falling into place with both of them. And then a year went by she realised the relationship was just stuck on replay. They weren’t going anywhere. She ended things. Devastated and mad at herself she survived and was calm at the end of it all. With a lesson (leave peoples things alone).

Yes we’ve all kissed a few frogs in hope to finding our Prince charming!, each “man” we had got involved with, at that specific time – we wanted to make him be the one. We desperately wanted him to be the one you’ll take home to mom and dad. Ohhhh but I’m glad we never did. This takes me back to the piece I did a while back about soul mates. Eish mara growing up yah!

The very same story goes for the shoes we love so much. When we get a pair, we think it can take us to all occasions. Will look good on every outfit we put on and will be with us forever. Only until it starts loosing shape, runs out of soul, becomes uncomfortable and shame the colour starts to fade.

Same goes for the man ha ha ha ha. They get comfortable and stop making efforts to keep things going as soon as the relationship passes the honeymoon phase, you find just yourself pushing the car only to find there isn’t anyone controlling the staring wheel. You get tired and out of breath and decide nah…. This push skorokoro is not going anywhere.

I wish we all can find our perfect shoe, and keep it forever. That it won’t get tired and worn out. The one that’ll fit us forever.

To you and you and you and myself let the perfect shoe search begin.

By Chomee ya Lunga and Lunga.

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My life i write a book

Secrecy, Privacy and Intimacy are words I live by when it comes to my space. I respect my space and others hence I only share this and that with everyone and deep details with close friends. (Signature ~ Get re-Defined) is my online scrapbook, a few of you kiddies have sent me emails and BBM saying I made them think twice about life! my experiences, the direction my life is taking, reading my blog made them re look at life differently that I am deep, thank you for the kind words and yes I will consider someday somewhere applying for a part time work in a Magazine or Newspaper lol, I called my blog Signature because every post I upload was written by me, for me, and to inspire you. I’m young I know but what I write is what you’ll read and I will make sure that I move you either way.

This post I call “My life I write a book” from the day I realised I am different. It is a continuous book that you’ll continue to read my experiences about until God decides to take me. I’ll continue to share what I feel would be important for you to read. I’m not perfect yet I try to live a responsible life. During my High School and Tertiary days I recall one of my teacher/Lecture advising me that all our lives are a book, I should try to make mine the best seller. That’s when the responsible Lunga decided to start living by the book, I became the kid that respects, abides by the rules, I may have been seen as a shallow kid because growing up I didn’t even play much with other kids, I was the book, homework, and Tv kid. I don’t ever regret by the way that I was brought up. For I know I am happy with the adult I have turned out to be. I will continue to live, abide by the rules that Mom and Dad taught me.

When I started high school I remember when mom took me to school she said to me (she is aware that I am now getting into the adolescence stage, and I’ll probably have a guy I like, she said if I dare sleep with a guy I will fall pregnant) I knew I wanted to be a kid, I didn’t want to take care of that kind of responsibility, its not what she said that made me afraid, its how she said it. Trust me I didn’t have a boyfriend until I got into Matric. That’s who my mom is. She’ll tell you what’s right and wrong once and will leave you to make your own decision. She is that parent that trusts the beliefs and values she installed in me from the day I became her daughter.

When me and her would have the Daughter Mother conversations she never asked names, how, who in my life be it friends or boyfriends. She always waited for me to be the one to let the Cat out of the bag, because she knew if I didn’t want to say anything to her I had reasons, probably good reasons not to drop names.

She once asked me though if the man I would marry do I want him to be like my dad? That’s the question I still failed to answer 5 years later since she asked me that question I still don’t know.

She then asked do I think the friends I have now (five years ago) would be people I want surrounding me when I’d grown older. I didn’t answer.

I don’t know what were the intentions for those questions. She’s asked me such questions once and never brought them to subject since then. I know someday when I know the answers I will go back to her and answer her.

I wonder what kind of parent I will be to my kids but I intend to be the one that trust my teachings and let them make their own decisions like my mom did with me.

2011 is nearing an end and sooo much I mean so much has happened with and to me. I would say personally it wasn’t the best year, wrongs that happened this year out weight the right that happened. Nonetheless though it is another year with its own teachings. I may not recognise it now but someday hopefully I will. atleat i still have happiness inside me – i dont know where it comes from but it is just there.

Yet again I made a lot of good friends, repaired broken friendship, connected with family again I gave birth to a whole new me. As my opinions change from time to time haai no this year they changed from day to day lol that’s how hectic its been.

I worked hard, I failed on a few things at work and failed a few friends and myself as I had plans that I worked on dates for (I’m reminded again, don’t run faster than your guardian Angel can fly) Gods time is the perfect time.

I cried again a lot this year, I experienced the deepest of the deepest hurt from a man, I feel I’m still scarred from that I don’t know when I will ever heal. people know that I bottle things up and pretend I’m okay but this year I’m closing that, I will speak how I feel and will only have myself to protect. I have to say I lost a bit of touch with God, I hardly prayed and the number of times I’ve been to church this year is a shame. Maybe that’s why things didn’t happen the way I planned.

Besides all the negative that happened I’m still glad I have my old friends, and even though we scratched each other a lot this year – the most important thing is how we’ve carried ourselves forward.

My plans for next year I would love to share with you but I’ll leave it between God and myself for now. But know they all include happiness and peace. And closure on a lot of things. Letting go of the past and continue to leave.

Oh boy and I think Love has not forgotten about me despite the hurt and hate I still have the L.O.V.E feeling (•_•) (Lips sealed, this is between me and him and God) *in the process of fixing my heart* the rest of you I’ll leave you guessing lol. I won’t be sharing his name, those that have seen him with me or know who he is! Good. That’s how I’ll keep it. Not dropping any names . I’m starting over and doing it right this time.

Hope your 2011 highlights are not as dull as mine,

2012 please be kind to me and the rest. I don’t want to cry one tear because of hurt. Till then let’s enjoy whats left of 20-elevation (I wonder who comes up with those words)

Lunga®

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A letter to my Un-born child

 To my un-born child…

Mould of my womb, result of my own doing, my little prince or princess you are my perfect stranger. It was the Creator’s will that your father and I engage in a bit of bedroom bliss while He scattered your seed in your father’s erection and he in my womanhood, creating in you the tie that binds, the link that locks our rapport. You will come… in a form and size unbeknown to me in the interim. You will be the infantile reflection of the one and the same- me. I see you in the mirror and I see you through the man I want to see as your father. You are my unborn self. You will come from me, made of me, made by me; you are me, a soon-to-be-born version of me.

Someone else reading this will wonder where I get off talking about you like this when I’ve never felt what it’s like to be in maternity. She will dwell on her condemnatory dogma as I try to make sense of it as well. My imagination has never failed me before, why should it start now? When I can hear your lil’ heart beat right next to mine and the pitter- patter of your feet! Everything that had died in me comes alive inside me in the shape of you, my bundle of unexpressed joy.
How honored I am that you chose me to carry out this nifty task of giving birth to you. So I hear that being a parent changes the course of one’s life. The day I give birth, I will start believing in such miracles. If the little thing that you will be will be capable of the biggest blunders as it has been with me, then you better have a lot of time in your hands to sit and read the rest of the memoir I will compile for you documenting the do’s and don’ts even though I want you to make your own mistakes, because you need to change the course of your life before it ruins who you become (given you take on mommy’s traits).I do promise though, that despite my deplorable ways, I will be the best mother you could’ve ever wished for. I put that on everything. I want you to choose me and if you ever have another choice, to choose me again and again.
I am imagining my self on a recliner as we speak. My plumpness may hide the enormousity of you inside of me and I will probably complain about how fat you will have made me to your daddy. I will probably make it an excuse to eat for two but it is not the size that will be documented, it is the truly beautiful experience of having known I was the host of such perfection that will come out of you.

There are a number of scenarios that set a couple on that road in pursuit of ultimate marital happiness and that is to conceive. It’s okay my angel, I know this is all too much for you to understand now, but someday, when you’re grown like mommy and daddy, and need to ask God to drop you your own lil’ babies from heaven, you will understand why mommy is overwhelmed at just the thought of you and your cute small face.
I cannot wait for our lil’ shopping sprees whether we go shopping for your first toy or clothes or Barbie and dancing or karate lessons, I just want the world to see you in my arms or next to me and I want to see the world and myself grin through your lil’ eyes when a stranger says: “She has your eyes and lips”. I can not wait til we get besotted with each other and make daddy so jealous! I want to know that I am coming home to extra hugs and wet kisses everyday and a grilling with the questions you will have as you come to realize that babies don’t do like rain drops from the Lord. I’m actually looking forward to that my pumpkin.

My nunu, I cannot contain myself. The very thought of this brings tears to my eyes. I will never let you see me like that though, because I want you to learn from as early an age as possible that I come with a smile plastered to my face and plan to die with one on. If at any point you make mommy angry, God will not be pleased with you and its not good to have God mad at lil’ children. So you understand right? Mommy needs to constantly be smiling.
Sthandwa se Nhliziyo yami, I speak to and with you in this memoir I have decided to keep for you. As I write this, I have no clue who you will be, what will become of you, whose personality you might take on or whose features you will carry strongly- what I know for sure is that somewhere, somehow in your little self will be a lot of me…

When you are all grown I will read you this letter to let you know how excited I was to plan for you.

Until your daddy and I meet, I’ll keep imagining you, I can’t wait to meet you Lunga Juniour!

Lunga®