Secrecy, Privacy and Intimacy are words I live by when it comes to my space. I respect my space and others hence I only share this and that with everyone and deep details with close friends. (Signature ~ Get re-Defined) is my online scrapbook, a few of you kiddies have sent me emails and BBM saying I made them think twice about life! my experiences, the direction my life is taking, reading my blog made them re look at life differently that I am deep, thank you for the kind words and yes I will consider someday somewhere applying for a part time work in a Magazine or Newspaper lol, I called my blog Signature because every post I upload was written by me, for me, and to inspire you. I’m young I know but what I write is what you’ll read and I will make sure that I move you either way.
This post I call “My life I write a book” from the day I realised I am different. It is a continuous book that you’ll continue to read my experiences about until God decides to take me. I’ll continue to share what I feel would be important for you to read. I’m not perfect yet I try to live a responsible life. During my High School and Tertiary days I recall one of my teacher/Lecture advising me that all our lives are a book, I should try to make mine the best seller. That’s when the responsible Lunga decided to start living by the book, I became the kid that respects, abides by the rules, I may have been seen as a shallow kid because growing up I didn’t even play much with other kids, I was the book, homework, and Tv kid. I don’t ever regret by the way that I was brought up. For I know I am happy with the adult I have turned out to be. I will continue to live, abide by the rules that Mom and Dad taught me.
When I started high school I remember when mom took me to school she said to me (she is aware that I am now getting into the adolescence stage, and I’ll probably have a guy I like, she said if I dare sleep with a guy I will fall pregnant) I knew I wanted to be a kid, I didn’t want to take care of that kind of responsibility, its not what she said that made me afraid, its how she said it. Trust me I didn’t have a boyfriend until I got into Matric. That’s who my mom is. She’ll tell you what’s right and wrong once and will leave you to make your own decision. She is that parent that trusts the beliefs and values she installed in me from the day I became her daughter.
When me and her would have the Daughter Mother conversations she never asked names, how, who in my life be it friends or boyfriends. She always waited for me to be the one to let the Cat out of the bag, because she knew if I didn’t want to say anything to her I had reasons, probably good reasons not to drop names.
She once asked me though if the man I would marry do I want him to be like my dad? That’s the question I still failed to answer 5 years later since she asked me that question I still don’t know.
She then asked do I think the friends I have now (five years ago) would be people I want surrounding me when I’d grown older. I didn’t answer.
I don’t know what were the intentions for those questions. She’s asked me such questions once and never brought them to subject since then. I know someday when I know the answers I will go back to her and answer her.
I wonder what kind of parent I will be to my kids but I intend to be the one that trust my teachings and let them make their own decisions like my mom did with me.
2011 is nearing an end and sooo much I mean so much has happened with and to me. I would say personally it wasn’t the best year, wrongs that happened this year out weight the right that happened. Nonetheless though it is another year with its own teachings. I may not recognise it now but someday hopefully I will. atleat i still have happiness inside me – i dont know where it comes from but it is just there.
Yet again I made a lot of good friends, repaired broken friendship, connected with family again I gave birth to a whole new me. As my opinions change from time to time haai no this year they changed from day to day lol that’s how hectic its been.
I worked hard, I failed on a few things at work and failed a few friends and myself as I had plans that I worked on dates for (I’m reminded again, don’t run faster than your guardian Angel can fly) Gods time is the perfect time.
I cried again a lot this year, I experienced the deepest of the deepest hurt from a man, I feel I’m still scarred from that I don’t know when I will ever heal. people know that I bottle things up and pretend I’m okay but this year I’m closing that, I will speak how I feel and will only have myself to protect. I have to say I lost a bit of touch with God, I hardly prayed and the number of times I’ve been to church this year is a shame. Maybe that’s why things didn’t happen the way I planned.
Besides all the negative that happened I’m still glad I have my old friends, and even though we scratched each other a lot this year – the most important thing is how we’ve carried ourselves forward.
My plans for next year I would love to share with you but I’ll leave it between God and myself for now. But know they all include happiness and peace. And closure on a lot of things. Letting go of the past and continue to leave.
Oh boy and I think Love has not forgotten about me despite the hurt and hate I still have the L.O.V.E feeling (•_•) (Lips sealed, this is between me and him and God) *in the process of fixing my heart* the rest of you I’ll leave you guessing lol. I won’t be sharing his name, those that have seen him with me or know who he is! Good. That’s how I’ll keep it. Not dropping any names :). I’m starting over and doing it right this time.
Hope your 2011 highlights are not as dull as mine,
2012 please be kind to me and the rest. I don’t want to cry one tear because of hurt. Till then let’s enjoy whats left of 20-elevation (I wonder who comes up with those words)
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