Category Archives: life and Love

2012 Memories

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh *Screams* SO WE EVENTUALLY ENTERED INTO MY SECOND FAVOURITE MONTH!!!!!! Ke Dezemba kids *woop*woop*

Years gone by! Each year one gets in with faith that it will be their year.

Lord you have showed me how loyal you are. How amazing you are. How much yes you can give to a person, I’ve never thought in life a person can experience so much happiness day after day after day after day not just to me alone, but to my loved once too – you’ve given pause to a few of our prayers and it is ok because we know what you have for us is bigger that our own ideas. 2012 haai maan what a beauty you are. I’m so happy! I’ve grown so much…. Through the years that I’ve lived, I’ve hurt, I’ve cried, I’ve failed, I’ve been disappointed! I’ve conquered this year I honestly did rip the seeds i saw with my years experience of living. What I mean about living is (experiencing) Geez if I knew this was the plan you had for my life then I would have not cried on my failures I would have not doubted my abilities, I would have not questioned you.

You are indeed a God! You’re my God. Everyday I wake up to know I am yours. I serve you, I have not been to church in a while again but I’ve learned it really is what’s in my heart that matters. My conversations with you make more sense than they did previously. I’m able to talk and be able to listen to you! Where as previously I’d just talk at you and expect answers immediately. I have grown so much patients. I am so calm I am Sooooooooo Happy Lord. This year is one flippen year where everything fell into place. I guess my growth: spiritually and mentally made me realise to be thankful for my life. I can only live it and no one else will but me. Father you showed me how great I am how I needed to get out of my comfort zone and see the world! I am free from all the anger, hate, sadness I’ve carried with me all this time. I now do things I only thought the next person can do but me and I am doing it effortlessly.

You helped me identify the people I want to stay in my life forever! I have fought for friendship, family and as soon as I surrendered my battles to you I saw how not worth it those fights were. I am at the point in my life where I live to please me, those that aren’t happy can beat it and Man oh man they did beat it. I still have my off days where I miss them, but I know I am really better off without them. I feel – no wait I am having the time of my life. I may not have everything I prayed for this year, I want to go back to my favourite quote to (Never run faster than my guardian angel can fly) I’m traveling God speed. So when it is my time to receive my prayers I know I’ll be ready for it so prepare me Lord.

I am grateful you let me became miserable, down, because I now know the importance of staying grounded, humble, and being able to encourage the next person going through difficulty. I am a living testimony of your word that we all belong to you! And we are here because of you.

Lord I am thankful for my parents that encourage me everyday to be the best I can be, thank you for opening their hearts and home to receive Thulebona and treat him as their own. Thank you for my work and wonderful colleagues. Thank you for the friends in my life, thank you for the family still holding it together. Thank you for my beautiful little sister and her friends who aspire to be like me someday lol – thank you for making me an inspiration to the younger generation, thank you for all the material things I have. Thank you for the man who makes my heart skip a bit Thulebona for teaching me to be a girlfriend 🙂 and loving me so much with everything I have and my flaws too, thank you for all the experiences lord! The good and the bad. But most importantly thank you for the life you have given me. Thank you for the Wisdom you’ve given me. Thank you for everything.

I won’t mention my prayers again because only you and I know what they are God. But please help me stay patient, calm, grounded and most importantly disciplined. Let me love those around me and respect them. Please heavenly Father may 2013 be another beautiful year. Where we find more happiness and make us give happiness too.

2012 it has been good and real and we are thankful! Let’s give 2013 a chance. I believe it will be twice an amazing year. I can’t wait to meet you 2013 I am excitedly excited lol. I pray for my loved once to receive more good next year. Let them stay happy and learn to forgive.

We never could have made it this far without you God! Please be with us now and forever.

Till then, happy season kids. Stay safe.
Lunga®

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My life i write a book

Secrecy, Privacy and Intimacy are words I live by when it comes to my space. I respect my space and others hence I only share this and that with everyone and deep details with close friends. (Signature ~ Get re-Defined) is my online scrapbook, a few of you kiddies have sent me emails and BBM saying I made them think twice about life! my experiences, the direction my life is taking, reading my blog made them re look at life differently that I am deep, thank you for the kind words and yes I will consider someday somewhere applying for a part time work in a Magazine or Newspaper lol, I called my blog Signature because every post I upload was written by me, for me, and to inspire you. I’m young I know but what I write is what you’ll read and I will make sure that I move you either way.

This post I call “My life I write a book” from the day I realised I am different. It is a continuous book that you’ll continue to read my experiences about until God decides to take me. I’ll continue to share what I feel would be important for you to read. I’m not perfect yet I try to live a responsible life. During my High School and Tertiary days I recall one of my teacher/Lecture advising me that all our lives are a book, I should try to make mine the best seller. That’s when the responsible Lunga decided to start living by the book, I became the kid that respects, abides by the rules, I may have been seen as a shallow kid because growing up I didn’t even play much with other kids, I was the book, homework, and Tv kid. I don’t ever regret by the way that I was brought up. For I know I am happy with the adult I have turned out to be. I will continue to live, abide by the rules that Mom and Dad taught me.

When I started high school I remember when mom took me to school she said to me (she is aware that I am now getting into the adolescence stage, and I’ll probably have a guy I like, she said if I dare sleep with a guy I will fall pregnant) I knew I wanted to be a kid, I didn’t want to take care of that kind of responsibility, its not what she said that made me afraid, its how she said it. Trust me I didn’t have a boyfriend until I got into Matric. That’s who my mom is. She’ll tell you what’s right and wrong once and will leave you to make your own decision. She is that parent that trusts the beliefs and values she installed in me from the day I became her daughter.

When me and her would have the Daughter Mother conversations she never asked names, how, who in my life be it friends or boyfriends. She always waited for me to be the one to let the Cat out of the bag, because she knew if I didn’t want to say anything to her I had reasons, probably good reasons not to drop names.

She once asked me though if the man I would marry do I want him to be like my dad? That’s the question I still failed to answer 5 years later since she asked me that question I still don’t know.

She then asked do I think the friends I have now (five years ago) would be people I want surrounding me when I’d grown older. I didn’t answer.

I don’t know what were the intentions for those questions. She’s asked me such questions once and never brought them to subject since then. I know someday when I know the answers I will go back to her and answer her.

I wonder what kind of parent I will be to my kids but I intend to be the one that trust my teachings and let them make their own decisions like my mom did with me.

2011 is nearing an end and sooo much I mean so much has happened with and to me. I would say personally it wasn’t the best year, wrongs that happened this year out weight the right that happened. Nonetheless though it is another year with its own teachings. I may not recognise it now but someday hopefully I will. atleat i still have happiness inside me – i dont know where it comes from but it is just there.

Yet again I made a lot of good friends, repaired broken friendship, connected with family again I gave birth to a whole new me. As my opinions change from time to time haai no this year they changed from day to day lol that’s how hectic its been.

I worked hard, I failed on a few things at work and failed a few friends and myself as I had plans that I worked on dates for (I’m reminded again, don’t run faster than your guardian Angel can fly) Gods time is the perfect time.

I cried again a lot this year, I experienced the deepest of the deepest hurt from a man, I feel I’m still scarred from that I don’t know when I will ever heal. people know that I bottle things up and pretend I’m okay but this year I’m closing that, I will speak how I feel and will only have myself to protect. I have to say I lost a bit of touch with God, I hardly prayed and the number of times I’ve been to church this year is a shame. Maybe that’s why things didn’t happen the way I planned.

Besides all the negative that happened I’m still glad I have my old friends, and even though we scratched each other a lot this year – the most important thing is how we’ve carried ourselves forward.

My plans for next year I would love to share with you but I’ll leave it between God and myself for now. But know they all include happiness and peace. And closure on a lot of things. Letting go of the past and continue to leave.

Oh boy and I think Love has not forgotten about me despite the hurt and hate I still have the L.O.V.E feeling (•_•) (Lips sealed, this is between me and him and God) *in the process of fixing my heart* the rest of you I’ll leave you guessing lol. I won’t be sharing his name, those that have seen him with me or know who he is! Good. That’s how I’ll keep it. Not dropping any names :). I’m starting over and doing it right this time.

Hope your 2011 highlights are not as dull as mine,

2012 please be kind to me and the rest. I don’t want to cry one tear because of hurt. Till then let’s enjoy whats left of 20-elevation (I wonder who comes up with those words)

Lunga®

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A letter to my Un-born child

 To my un-born child…

Mould of my womb, result of my own doing, my little prince or princess you are my perfect stranger. It was the Creator’s will that your father and I engage in a bit of bedroom bliss while He scattered your seed in your father’s erection and he in my womanhood, creating in you the tie that binds, the link that locks our rapport. You will come… in a form and size unbeknown to me in the interim. You will be the infantile reflection of the one and the same- me. I see you in the mirror and I see you through the man I want to see as your father. You are my unborn self. You will come from me, made of me, made by me; you are me, a soon-to-be-born version of me.

Someone else reading this will wonder where I get off talking about you like this when I’ve never felt what it’s like to be in maternity. She will dwell on her condemnatory dogma as I try to make sense of it as well. My imagination has never failed me before, why should it start now? When I can hear your lil’ heart beat right next to mine and the pitter- patter of your feet! Everything that had died in me comes alive inside me in the shape of you, my bundle of unexpressed joy.
How honored I am that you chose me to carry out this nifty task of giving birth to you. So I hear that being a parent changes the course of one’s life. The day I give birth, I will start believing in such miracles. If the little thing that you will be will be capable of the biggest blunders as it has been with me, then you better have a lot of time in your hands to sit and read the rest of the memoir I will compile for you documenting the do’s and don’ts even though I want you to make your own mistakes, because you need to change the course of your life before it ruins who you become (given you take on mommy’s traits).I do promise though, that despite my deplorable ways, I will be the best mother you could’ve ever wished for. I put that on everything. I want you to choose me and if you ever have another choice, to choose me again and again.
I am imagining my self on a recliner as we speak. My plumpness may hide the enormousity of you inside of me and I will probably complain about how fat you will have made me to your daddy. I will probably make it an excuse to eat for two but it is not the size that will be documented, it is the truly beautiful experience of having known I was the host of such perfection that will come out of you.

There are a number of scenarios that set a couple on that road in pursuit of ultimate marital happiness and that is to conceive. It’s okay my angel, I know this is all too much for you to understand now, but someday, when you’re grown like mommy and daddy, and need to ask God to drop you your own lil’ babies from heaven, you will understand why mommy is overwhelmed at just the thought of you and your cute small face.
I cannot wait for our lil’ shopping sprees whether we go shopping for your first toy or clothes or Barbie and dancing or karate lessons, I just want the world to see you in my arms or next to me and I want to see the world and myself grin through your lil’ eyes when a stranger says: “She has your eyes and lips”. I can not wait til we get besotted with each other and make daddy so jealous! I want to know that I am coming home to extra hugs and wet kisses everyday and a grilling with the questions you will have as you come to realize that babies don’t do like rain drops from the Lord. I’m actually looking forward to that my pumpkin.

My nunu, I cannot contain myself. The very thought of this brings tears to my eyes. I will never let you see me like that though, because I want you to learn from as early an age as possible that I come with a smile plastered to my face and plan to die with one on. If at any point you make mommy angry, God will not be pleased with you and its not good to have God mad at lil’ children. So you understand right? Mommy needs to constantly be smiling.
Sthandwa se Nhliziyo yami, I speak to and with you in this memoir I have decided to keep for you. As I write this, I have no clue who you will be, what will become of you, whose personality you might take on or whose features you will carry strongly- what I know for sure is that somewhere, somehow in your little self will be a lot of me…

When you are all grown I will read you this letter to let you know how excited I was to plan for you.

Until your daddy and I meet, I’ll keep imagining you, I can’t wait to meet you Lunga Juniour!

Lunga®